Why taking a step back is as necessary as moving forward
Whenever our elementary school teacher handed out homework, a murmur went through the crowd: “Ugh!” “Oh no!” “Not again!” and then we used to shout, “We don’t want to!” and she would say: “Then you’ll just have to do it, even if you do not want to.”
But why did we interpret that the homework is going to be a bad thing for us? Is that overjudging of a situation?
Well! Life is all about those situations, over and over again. To accept this and not be influenced by it is a skill you can learn. That skill is called detachment.
A few years ago, I came across this quote from the Bhagwat Geeta (6th chapter 1st verse)— “Detachment is not that you own nothing. Detachment is that nothing owns you”. I was mind blown by such a simple, yet meaningful statement because it changed my whole perspective on detachment. I also realized that not many of us, including myself, can say or live by this statement.
Detachment has many benefits, but the biggest one by far is that it’ll get you through any day, no matter how bad that day gets. Even when things look bleak, detachment allows you to go about your day, and that’s the part that matters.
At its core, detachment is not adding more suffering in imagination to what you endure in reality. It’s not about disconnecting from said reality or ignoring your emotions; the opposite is the case. When you stay in the moment and acknowledge your feelings, it becomes easier to move past whatever that moment brings and however you feel in it.
Here are a few ways to practice detachment. I hope they’ll help you get through even the toughest of days.
1. Don’t judge things before they happen…
…especially the things you know will happen but you just don’t want to face it — like your homework, for example.
I can waste a great deal of time, thoughts, and energy on the fact that I don’t want to spend yet another three hours staring at my Loan spreadsheet — or I can just start staring. Once I make some coffee, play some music, and get going, it might not be so bad (Not if the amount is really big. Even God can’t make you feel good then). How can I know before I start? I can’t, but I think I do, and that ruins the experience before it’s even begun.
A judgment made in advance is nothing but an expectation, and when we form expectations about what’ll happen and how it’ll go, reality will always let us down because it never meets those expectations exactly as they are. Don’t judge too early. Don’t let expectations drive your thoughts.
2. Don’t interpret events in real-time
You’d think by the time we go through them, we have a good idea of how we feel about the things that unfold, but that’s not the case. Judging life in real-time still means judging too early.
One of my favorite story, is about a farmer whose horse runs away. The neighbors say: “What bad luck!” The farmer says: “We’ll see.” The next day, the horse returns with a flock of others, and the neighbors are over the moon. The farmer says: “We’ll see.” The next day, the farmer’s son breaks his leg. The neighbors are heartbroken, the farmer says: “We’ll see.” One day later, the army drafts soldiers, and the farmer’s son is spared. The neighbors are happy, the farmer says: “We’ll see.” You get the idea.
Often, we don’t know the real causes and effects of events until much, much later, yet we spend a lot of time in agony and exhilaration as they happen. Getting fired might suck today but could be the best thing that ever happened to you two years from now. Today’s good fortune could become tomorrow’s curse. Don’t judge too early. Maybe, don’t judge at all. Just wait and see.
3. Use math and logic to make big decisions
William Bruce Cameron once said: “Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.” It’s true that math and reason have their limits, but the point of employing them is not to decide like a computer; it is to counter your natural tendency to decide solely based on emotions.
Humans are terrible at understanding risks, and yet, everything we do in life comes at the expense of not doing something else.
Weighing options against another, adding perspective with numbers, and assessing risks before taking them. They lead to being less impulsive and reacting less emotionally when confronted with the burden of making decisions. That’s what detachment is all about: Thinking clearly so you can do what’s best for you in the long run. (Yeah but don’t do it while figuring out which person would be better to get into relationship with, that would be absurd. Lol!)
4. Add a few minutes of doing nothing to every task
Before you commence a task you don’t look forward to, do nothing. Sit. Wait. Take some time to acknowledge how you feel. Then, get to work, even when you don’t want to.
Sometimes, it takes me longer to accept the situation around a task than to do the task itself. Is that time wasted? I don’t think so. I’d rather spend 20 minutes mentally preparing and then ten minutes doing the thing than an hour trying to complete it in utter misery and getting nowhere. (Well! Do not try this when you’re getting physical with your partner though)
As Mark Manson once said: “The avoidance of suffering is a form of suffering. The desire for more positive experience is itself a negative experience. And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one’s negative experience is itself a positive experience.” Make time to accept your negative experiences, and you’ll have an easier time getting on with completing them.
5. Detachment from Material Goals
There are just too many people who are too attached to the things they own and too addicted to buying and hoarding more and more things without asking this one simple question — “Is it really important?”
When you detach yourself from the compulsion of owning things just for the sake of owning them you begin to experience real freedom and joy from things that really matter.
Remember, less is more.
Take a step back to understand what things add value to your lives. By clearing the clutter from life’s path, we can all make room for the most important aspects of life: health, relationships, passion, growth, and contribution.
Detachment is not a recipe for happiness by comparison. It is a habit that makes it easier to go on living while you wait for your happiness to return.
Detachment is being okay when life sucks because you don’t expect it to play out a certain way. You don’t think everything will happen in your favor, but you also don’t await disaster. You just do your best to be ready for both.
Detachment allows you to live with ambiguity, and that’s why it allows you to do great things. Most of the time, the greatest thing we can do is make it through the day, and, often, all that takes is five words; five words that capture the essence of detachment, the philosophy of the people who go on: “I am enough for today.”
More for you
Thank you for wasting your time reading this blog. Well! If you have not done enough in your life to impress your crush, and still got some more time to waste on, read my other blogs here. Also, you can check out some stupidest sketches here, mostly on social issues.
And remember! The path to avoid disappointments in life looks like this — Do nothing. Feel nothing. Give yourself into nothing.
